YOLO

You only live once is a beautiful saying that inspires people to do amazing things such as sail round the world or invent a new type of crisps  or paint a dazzling picture that captures the colours of the gates of hell. I used to love that expression - then some jackass comes along with YOLO then you keep seeing these kind of things:
OMG, just went to make an omelette but there were no eggs: YOLO, living on the edge.
or
The glorious moment when you're cutting wrapping paper and the scissors glide, YOLO
for Christ's sake what is your freakin problem. It's not funny, it has never ever been funny so for gods sake you don't need to plaster the god damn meme across your chest - and go around saying it in a thick voice because you cannot contribute to scintillating conversation. My friend came up an unusual saying and it doesn't annoy me as much as YOLO. You only die a few times. YODAFT. But for crying out loud you only live once is beautiful. YOLO is for people too thick to string a sentence together

Researching tsuanmis is bad for your health

During my fourth science lesson in the past twelve hours (yeah, you heard me) we were doing a newspaper article about the boxing day tsunami in Japan. So I finished my work dead early because unlike Maisie I had been doing the work instead of playing a game about goldfish swimming around. Then I asked the supply teacher (er ma gerd) who started telling me all these things that were supposed to freak me out about the dangers of tsunamis but the problem is I had been looking a LOLcats seconds before he had come over and I was desperate to laugh at stupid cats tripping over and I suppose I looked slightly freaked so he started trying to comfort me and I swear I was giving off go away vibes. He still ventured though. Thick people never get the message do they?
 So the reason why learning about tsunamis is bad for your health - I was on this website with all these facts and down the side their were adverts for other pages on this site and one of them was how to make a panic kit so I went on just to make sure. The problem is next to everything you need was why you need it. For example: who need steriliser or something because you might get crushed to death by a massive piece of falling rubble that fell when you sister died from saving a cat from a tree.

Imagine if....

Hey,
Do you ever get those moments where you kind of drift off and do imagine if scenarios? I have these weird train of thoughts for example:

Step one:
So I'll be in a boring lesson "listening" to the teachers spouting nonsense about triangles and suddenly |I'll see something that reminds me of something else. For example I was in English and my English really easy to distract if you just talk about something that interests her. So someone started talking about the London trip that I am going on in seven days.

Step two:
One of the activities we are doing on this trip is going to watch the women in black west end show. Now west end shows are known for being musicals so I think it will kind of ruin the atmosphere if the dying children sing instead of screaming, I watched woman in black at a sleepover and I am horrendously crap when it comes to horror films, but the plots actually really interest me so I'll just look up the plot on Wikipedia - but I didn't get to see most of it as I was too busy stuffing my face and getting beaten up with cushions.

Step three:
The bell goes and I exit the classroom and see meine freundin Maisie who I went to see the hobbit with. Golem... Woman in black... Imagine if the woman in black and golem had a baby! THis would both amaze and freak me out on various levels and I would just end up hysterically giggling at inappropriate moments. Like at a funeral.

Spit - germs - the horror!

Sup freaks,
I had science breakout morning today that meant I basically had a three hour science lesson. The calamity. We were doing about breathing and had to do unnecessary exercise I hate exercise. I am so unhealthy, in a leisure centre I am more attracted to the vending machine full of sweets. So we had to this exercise and then count how many breaths I take in the next five minutes. Also known as a complete waste of time. We had to do all these activities to figure out stuff nobody is going to acre about. Ever. Such as what the oxygen level in my blood is - do you care about that? I don't...
So we had this really really long plastic bag that inflated when you blew (oh the dirty jokes we made) and the it measured the air in litres. It sound like an ingenious invention; it isn't. I picked one up and it was moist from saliva. Did you know spit contains more germs that urine. It would have been cleaner if that bag had been filled with pee. The horror. So I went up to the teacher and said "it's moist"  and then to my delight she produced a brand new bag so I get my tube and commence to insert it (not euphemism folks) then Evie appears out of nowhere like a flash of lighting, grabs the bag and breathes into it and it steamed up. Then I had to use it. I'm probably dying now due to some kind of horrific disease. I have a phobia of spit and germs to the point where I had hand sanitizer in my locker (note: my german teacher has a tonne of disinfectant in his classroom ,we may be teenagers but we are not tramps. Ah, a child touched me! Quick grab the Mr. Muscle) and I swear to god making me touch that plastic bag is technically child abuse

But after the rain comes a rainbow

I had lunch straight after science so I had time to wash my mouth out with bleach

TTFN
xxx

Dolphins are scary... Don't pretend you haven't noticed

There are many scary animals out there: the spider, the wasp, the dolphin... What are you talking about Bronny? Dolphins are cute, I wanna swim with dolphins and compliment their cuteness. Dolphins want to kill us. You know the fins they have on their back, that is just an inevolved leg, when they can walk oh they will rise up against us and we will fall. Look at their creepy little face though. I want to eat you and your children. I'll pretend to be cute and lure them in and then I will eat them. Ahhh

Dolphins will kill us all you have been warned

Coming at me bruv?

You know who annoy me? People on the street. I walk everywhere, pretty much and I see a lot of people.

1. Old ladies.
I am the kind of the person who smiles at old ladies and you know what they do? They freakin clutch their bag and speed up? I may be tall for my ages for fry Christ's sake I'm not that menacing am I? So then I don't smile at old ladies and I can hear them mind tutting at me "what is wrong with young people today, in my day if you stopped smiling you would be shot" WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

2. Mothers and children.
Now is it just me or when a kid comes zooming round the corner and nearly runs you down with his scooter you don't have the natural instinct to give them flowers and sweets - you have the natural instinct to jump out of the way into the road, nearly get hit by a car and swear loudly. Commencing mothers to suddenly take notice of the world around them, notice the dishevelled teenager with the face of stone; fish their child out from trampling on the some random dudes garden, loudly exclaim "language" and stomp off. No, don't mind me, I like being run over by scooters

3. People from school
Until recently I have walked halfway home with my friends and then had to walk the rest of the way by myself and when I'm with my friends I feel more powerful (like when I'm holding a gun) and I don't mind talking toe people from school but when I'm by myself I become unbelievably socially awkward and when they say hi I don't know whether they're taking the piss or not so I just look at the crowd and violently blush. Smart move batman, that'll really make them stop thinking you're a bit of a freak

4. Youths
You know the type, either skiving or decided they don't want education they'll just deal drugs. So they walk along with a cheap bottle of booze and you have to pray that they don't notice you as you quietly squeeze by really wishing you owned a Taser and then one see's you and think it will be hilarious to go "you coming at me bruv?" If you are going to intimidate me please use proper grammar you inconsiderate chavs. yeah I said it.

5. Awkward chum
The kind of person you know is feeling your pain, the kind of personw ho is right now considering whether to walk towards you or away. The kind of person you feel like shouting across the street "I feel your pain at least we have each other" I wouldn't though, I don't want a criminal record...

What is your freakin problem?

Sup,
German was crap (note: there is no tone of surprise) but I'm just saying what are supply teachers freakin problem? They can barely teach as it is but trying to teach us another language? Please, why don't you just kill me why your at it? I don't freakin know what a freakin perfect tense is! I have an excuse though - I haven't completed education yet. They have so can you freakin explain to me what a freakin perfect tense is? Calm...
I find there is five different types of supply teacher

1. The power crazy supply teacher
The supply teacher who after sitting in the depths of student reception comes into the classroom and lets us quietly chat, after five minutes of extreme POWER over thirty-odd hormonal teenagers they scream at you to "SHUT UP, IF I HEAR ANOTHER WORD I WILL FREAKIN SHOOT YOU WITH THIS MACHINE GUN," you then sit there quietly trying to find a pen that works at the substitute shoots daggers at you and you can see them reaching for the knife they've hidden behind the desk

2. The please don't hurt me supply teacher
The supply teacher who sits in the corner and wishes that they'd gone with that receptionist job instead of choosing to sit in a room teaching to a bunch of kids that simply don't care. After attempting to explain the work they just go to the store cupboard drink whisky out of a flask and silently cry whilst the druggies use duck tape to tape a nerd to the wall

3. I'm down wid da kids supply teacher
The teacher who thinks their "hip" and "trendy" by buying a shirt that a student compliments you on to be polite so they buy 365 shirts and that is all they wear for the rest of the year. These are either the best or the worst type of supply teacher. They either let you get on with it for the entire lesson meaning "no work! Ipods out. But sometimes they constantly interrupt your conversations

Me: Oh have you heard the new Olly Murs song?

Paige: Oh you mean "insert song name"

Random supply teacher who had been lurking in the corner for ages who suddenly freakishly pounces on you: Oh yeah, it's awesome, I have already heard it a lot. My new ringtone, do you know what I'm saying?"
Me and Paige stare at her in an exasperated way until she leaves then giggle for a bit and repeatedly tell the story till the dawn of time.

4. The bumbling idiot supply teacher
The bumbling idiot who everyone likes because they can trick them into doing their work use innuendos that everyone gets but them and you can talk for ages because they just won't care. They'll walk around giving out lollipops and you can't get told off even if you drop your friend out of a window.

5. I have no idea what I'm doing here I'll just randomly shout to cover it up

Typical convo:
I put my hand up
Me to teacher: What is a perfect tense?
Teacher: EVERYBODY SHUT UP IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME WHAT A FREAKIN PERFECT TENSE I'M GOING TO KEEP YOU ALL IN FOR FOUR FREAKIN DAYS! YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNT THIS! JUST FOR BEING IGNORANT I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT A PERFECT TENSE IS. NEXT TIME LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Class stares at teacher and quietly asks their friend if these are the signs of a nervous breakdown

So yeah, you should find that supply teachers have problems (don't even get me started on student teachers)

Exciting!

Hey freaks, how's it going?
Ooh exciting first post on a new blog. So this blog is basically just be telling you about my socially awkward situations and being negative (I am negative about everything) but when life gives you lemons you make lemonade. When life is sour it becomes sweet. So if you've had a crap day, you can just go onto this blog and laugh heartily at how I managed to humiliate myself. SUCH FUN!